What do we need, what can we scoop up, what can we put on John Henry’s credit card?

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We’ve been saving up and holding back the last couple of years, so don’t you think we can splurge a little bit now on free agents? Craig Breslow sort of said John Henry would be opening up his wallet this off-season. Then Sam Kennedy kind of doubled down on that. We don’t know, of course, and we’ve been fooled before, but for now, let’s take them at their word and get down to business.

Shopping season is here, we’ve got our list, so let’s go!

We’ll take one Juan Soto, please. You know what, let’s not even look at the price; we know we want this, and lord knows we deserve it. It’ll be worth it. One, please. Just click that right in that cart there…okay, what else?

Aces, a couple of aces. We just lost out on one Blake Snell so we have to get it in gear. Corbin Burnes for 6 years at $180M, or even 7 at $200? That feels low now, after Snell’s deal. Max Fried…oh great, we’ve got a validation code here from Lucas Giolito!

So maybe 6 years for $136M. Word on the street is that we may need to overpay a little, a sort of penalty tax, to coax free agents back to Boston. I know everyone’s looking for a deal on Black Friday, but if that’s what we have to do to be taken seriously again, okay. Pay it. It serves us right. Get ‘em in the cart and hope we’re not too late!

Garrett Crochet, hm, that’s a little more complicated obviously; let’s circle back to that.

Okay, what else…if we get Max Fried and the groundballs he’ll generate, then we need to think about defense. Nolan Arenado? Hm, I don’t know…I really kind of wanted the 2022 model. Willy Adames? Yeah, I don’t know; he used to sound like a good idea, but I think I grew out of that phase.

There are still a lot of items on the list. Moving along.

We’d like a Roki Sasaki. What’s that—not available yet? Okay, staying open to that, but let’s move on down our list.

Relievers, relievers…we need several of those, including a closer…let’s see…Blake Treinen for $10-12M on a one-year deal…you know what, Tanner Scott for 4 years at $60M looks exactly right! Or, how about Chris Martin? Well, even with the price knocked down to around $4M for one year, I’m not so sure. But Jeff Hoffman, 3 years at $48M for a setup man, yes, please.

You know what’s not on the list?

• Alex Bregman
• Manager. Already took care of that.
• Chief Baseball Officer—nope, good for now. Might look into this next year.
• A Triston Casas replacement

Happy Black Friday, Red Sox Nation! It’s time for Craig Breslow to score some deals and bring us a happy offseason.