It was midway through the third quarter, and the Los Angeles Lakers held a commanding 62-51 lead over the Minnesota Timberwolves in a game they never trailed. But Redick, the Lakers head coach, didn’t like what he saw as the Lakers 22-point lead had now shrunk to 11, and momentum seemed to be shifting in the Wolves’ favor.

Suddenly, Redick called a timeout and let into his team with a number of expressions that, how should we say, aren’t suitable for publication.

The Lakers did end up winning the game. Afterward, a reporter asked Laker superstar to comment on Redick’s outburst.

“We know J.J. is going to [flip] out from time to time,” James said using an ableist pejorative. “That’s J.J. At this point, for us, we need to listen to the message and not how he delivers it.”

What James communicates here is a crucial lesson in emotional intelligence—the ability to make emotions work for you, instead of against you. Specifically, it teaches how you can benefit from critical feedback.

We can sum up the lesson in just seven words:

Focus on the message. Not the delivery.

Let’s take a closer look at this lesson and see how it can help you as a business leader to benefit from all types of feedback. (Sign up here for my free email emotional intelligence course.)

The difference between giving and receiving feedback

Before we move forward with the principal lesson, I think it’s important to mention two huge caveats.

Caveat one: I do not endorse Redick‘s outburst. While profanity-laden tirades are par for the course in professional sports, there is a Not to mention that most people wouldn’t want to be immersed in this type of environment day in and day out.

Caveat two: It is important to recognize the difference between giving feedback and receiving feedback.

When giving feedback, there are (like using respect and tact) that will better reach your listeners. James’s comments already indicate that the coach’s method tends to work against him.

However, this brings us to our principal lesson:

When you receive feedback, you don’t have the luxury of choosing how it’s delivered.

Train your brain to process criticism

To understand why this lesson is so important, it’s helpful to know a bit about your brain chemistry and what happens when you are on the receiving end of criticism.

When someone criticizes you, neuroscientists have discovered that a small, almond-shaped part of your brain known as the amygdala springs into action. This is because you feel under attack, and the job of the amygdala is to help you make quick, emotionally driven decisions. You may have heard of this response described as fight, flight, or freeze.

And here is where James’s lesson comes in.

When Redick starts yelling at his players, it’s easy for players to feel attacked and to want to justify themselves (fight), walk away or tune out the message (flight), or lose their ability to respond at all (freeze).

In contrast, when James and his teammates focus on the message, and not on the delivery, they’re able to gain valuable insights from Redick’s perspective. They calm down their amygdala and use more of their brain (like the prefrontal cortex), which helps them truly listen to what Redick has to say, and then reason and make higher-level decisions.

Mine your diamonds

I like to compare retrieving value from criticism to cutting and polishing diamonds.

On the surface, critical feedback is like an ugly piece of rock—nobody wants it. (That’s especially true when the criticism is delivered poorly.) But if you train yourself to cut away the ugly exterior, extract the value inside, and then cut and polish, you can end up with a beautiful diamond—a powerful, useful lesson that benefits you.

So, how can you learn to view criticism, not as a personal attack, but instead as a learning opportunity?

Whenever you receive negative feedback, try to answer two questions:

• Putting my personal feelings aside, what can I learn from this alternate perspective?
• How can I use this feedback to help me improve?

By considering these questions, you change the way you view criticism. You shift your brain from its default mode and exercise control over your response, and your emotions.

Best of all, you focus on the message, not the delivery—and transform even poorly delivered criticism from an ugly rock to a beautiful diamond.

Note: An earlier version of this column included a quote with ableist language. The term has been removed.